| |
|
-
What are you doing, Lucy?
- My goldfish died and I've just buried him
- I think that's a big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?
- That's because he's inside your cat |
|
A
man gets home, runs into his house, and shouts:
- Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!!!
- Wow! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?
- I don't care. Just go!y to maintain but is useless.
|
-
What a strange pair of socks you are wearing today! One is brown
and the other one is green!
- Yes, that is really strange. I've got another pair at home that
are exactly the same. |
|
-
What's the definition of mixed emotions?
- Seeing your mother - in - law driving your new car off the
edge of a cliff. |
-
Mum, the nine and ten don't exist anymore.
- Why she said that, honey?
- Because seven ate nine and ten. |
| -
Our winters are so cold that we have to put heaters under the
cows so we can milk them. - That’s nothing. Our summers
are so hot that we have to feed the chickens ice so they won’t
lay hard-boiled eggs. |
|
In
the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created
man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither
God nor man has rested. |
| The
Story behind the words |
| Sandwich |
| The
name of this snack comes from the 4th Earl of Sandwich, England,
John Montagu, who was a compulsive gambler, and to avoid stopping
the game to eat, he would order that his food was brought to
his always busy table. The valet would bring him cold beef between
two slices of bread. |
| Hot
dog |
| The
use of this expression to mean sausage comes from the XIX century.
The word hot is referred to the temperature of the sausage,
and dog may have been a reference to the alleged contents of
the sausage. In 1845 there were a lot of accusations against
sausage makers of using dog meat to make the sausage (which
was not true). The term became very popular and was often used
in newspapers, making it as common as it is today. |
| The
Story behind the Idioms |
| A
white elephant |
| A
white elephant also known as albino elephant, was considered
holy in ancient times, specially in some Asian countries. To
keep these animals was very expensive, because it was necessary
to give them special food, and also to give access to the people
who wanted to worship them. In Thailand, when a king was dissatisfied
with someone, he would give him a white elephant, which would
surely make that person lose all his money.
Nowadays, this expression is used to refer to something that
costs a lot of money to maintain but is useless. |
| Crocodile
tears |
| In
the past, it was often believed that crocodiles shed tears that
slid down into their mouths to moisten the food, making it easier
to chew and swallow. Nowadays, this expression is used when
somebody pretends to cry to manipulate the situation.
If someone sheds crocodile tears, it means they look sad or
upset but in fact they are not. |
| Palindromes
|
| A
palindrome is a word, phrase or sentence that reads the same
backwards as forwards, such as the word level. The shortest
are nun, ewe, pip, among others. The longest is redivider.
|
Other
palindromes are:
• Step on no pets.
• Madam, I'm Adam.
• Pull up if I pull up.
• No, it is opposition.
• Was it a car or a cat I saw?
• A man, a plan, a canal Panama.
• Some men interpret nine memos. |
For
English Courses dial: |
|
0416.
581.82.38 |
|
Start
with S
|
There
are at least 30 items in this picture whose names begin with
the letter S. |
| Reading
Hints |
*
Try to read groups of words, not one word at a time.
* Focusing on key words is faster and more efficient.
* The first paragraph of each heading express the general
idea of the reading. The others give more specific information.
* Usually the first sentence contents the general idea
of each paragraph.
* If you meet a special vocabulary item, continue reading
and try to understand the author’s explanation.
* Try to form a picture about what the author describes |
| Pangrams |
A
pangram is known as a sentence that includes all the letters
of the alphabet and is still meaningful. Several 26-letter
pangrams have been created, but all of them contain obscure
words, abbreviations, initials or Roman numerals.
The exclusion of those words led to the shortest pangram
of 30 letters: How quickly daft jumping zebras vex.
Other pangrams are:
• Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz.
• Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.
• A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
• Xylophone wizard begets quick jive form.
|
| Poetry
... by Dr.
Arnold Leonhardi. |
Parts
of Speech
A noun is the name of anything,
As school, garden, kite or king.
Adjetives tell the kind of noun,
As great, small, pretty, white and brown.
Instead of nouns the pronouns stand,
His head, her face, your arm, my hand.
Verbs tell of something being done
To read, count, laugh, carry or run.
How things are done the adverbs tell,
As slowly, quickly, ill or well.
Conjunctions join the words together,
As men and women, wind and weather.
The preposition stands before
A noun as in or through a door.
The interjection shows surprise,
As – Oh! How pretty! Ah! How wise!
Three little words you often see
Are articles – a, an and the.
The whole are called Nine parts of speech.
Which reading, writing, speaking teach. |
| Tongue
Twisters |
| A
tongue twister is a sequence of words that is difficult
to pronounce quickly and correctly. In English-speaking
countries tongue twisters are often used by speech therapists
to improve pronunciation.
If you're a learner of English you will improve your
own pronunciation with practise. The aim is to say each
as quickly as possible, without making any mistakes!
|
| *
I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am. |
| *
The worsts words of the world were war and work |
| *
Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick. |
| *
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely. |
| *
The sixth sick Sheik's sixth sheep is sick. |
| *
Fresh fried fish, Fish fresh fried, Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh. |
*
I saw a saw in Arkansas,
that would outsaw any saw I ever saw,
and if you got a saw
that will outsaw the saw I saw in Arkansas
let me see your saw. |
| English
is a crazy language |
| Let's
face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg
in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple
nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't
invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats
are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand
can work slowly, boxing rings
are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers
don't ham? If the plural of tooth
is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth beeth? One goose,
two geese. So one moose,
two meese? And why one index
but two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend, that you comb through
annals of history but not
a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds
and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why
didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? If you wrote a letter,
perhaps you bote your tongue?
Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed
to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what kind of
language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send
cargo by ship? Have noses
that run and feet that
smell? Park on driveways
and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and
a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and wise
guy are opposites? How can overlook
and oversee be opposites,
while quite a lot and quite
a few are alike? How can the weather be
hot as hell one day and cold
as hell another?
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only
when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful
carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced
requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was
combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where
are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who
would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up
as it burns down, in which
you fill in a form by filling
it out and in which an alarm clock goes
off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human
race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are
out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible. And why, when I
wind up my watch, I start it, but when I
wind up this essay, I end it.
|
| Strange
but true… |
In
English, the most commonly used letter of the alphabet
is e.
The letter used most frequently at the end of words is
also e.
The letter used most frequently at the beginning of words
is s.
The most common pairing of letters in English words is
er.
The longest word in the English language is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis,
which is a medical condition caused by volcanic dust.
|
| Quotations |
“Difficulty
is a measure of effort, not
of impossibility.”
Alistair Russell |
“Think
like a man of action, act like a man of thought.”
Henri Bergson |
“Make
everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.”
Albert Einstein |
“The
fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.”
Arnold H. Glasow |
“If
opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”
Milton Berle |
|
|
|
Did
You Know?
|
|
Average English - Speaking person uses the same 400 words
80% of the time. That means that over 400,000 other words
in most standard English Dictionaries often remain unused.
|
| Although
the English alphabet hás 26 letters, the English language
has around 44 sounds. These 26 letters are used to represent
the 44 sounds in more than 650 different ways. |
| The
Appoinment |
Once
uppon a time a rich Caliph in Baghdad sent his servant, Abdul,
to the market to buy some fruits. As Abdul was walking through
the market, he suddenly felt very cold. He knew that somebody
was behind him. He turned around and saw a tall man, dressed
in black. He couldn’t see the man’s face, only
his eyes. The man was staring at him, and Abdul began to shiver.
“Who are you? What do you want?”
Abdul asked. The man in black didn’t reply.
“What’s your name?”
Abdul asked nervously.
“I ... am ... Death.” The stranger replied coldly
and turned away.
And then Abdul dropped his basket and ran all the way back
to the Caliph’s house.
“Excuse me, master. I have to leave Baghdad immediately,”
Abdul said.
“But, why? What’s happened?”
“I’ve just met Death in the market,”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He was dressed in black, and he
stared at me.
I’m going to my father’s house in Samarra. If
I go at once, I’ll be there before sunset.”
The Caliph could see that his poor servant was terrified and
gave him permission to go to Samarra.
The Caliph was puzzled. He was found of Abdul, and he was
angry because his servant had been badly frightened by the
stranger in the market. He decided to go to there and investigate.
When he found the man in black, he spoke to him angrily.
“Why did you frighten my servant?”
“Who is your servant?”
“His name is Abdul.”
“I didn’t want to frighten him. I was just surprised
to see him here in Baghdad.”
“Why were you surprised?”
“I was surprised because I have an appointment with
him tonight ... in Samarra!” |
|
Riddles
|
1.
What is at the end of everything? |
2.
What starts with "t", ends with "t" and
is full of "t"? |
3.
What starts with "e", ends with "e" but
only has one letter? |
4.
What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks,
has a bed but never sleeps, has a head but never weeps? |
5.
Which is faster: Hot or Cold? |
6.
The beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space,
The beginning of every end,
The end of every place. |
7.
What did the parrot say to the rainbow? |
8.
What do we have on Christmas Day that we can’t have
in any other day? |
9.
Do you know what a wall said to the other? |
10.
Why are elephants so wrinkled? |
|
The
Problem Cake |
|
A
chess player and gourmet once invited a friend to his home.
The friend, Onésime XADREZ, besides being a good chess
player also appreciated fine food.
In honour of his guest he ordered a cake decorated with a
chess problem of his own composition. The problem was symbolic
as it was in the form of a letter O, the first letter of his
friends name. |
|
|
|
Before
serving the cake his cook cut it into four pieces. Unfortunately
just as he was going to serve it he stumbled and dropped the
cake. Picking up the pieces he quickly reassembled them on
the plate inadvertently mixing them up. The cake that arrived
at the table looked like this: |
|
|
|
The
cook's master, noticing that his problem had been destroyed
and the suprise spoilt started to insult the poor cook. Onésime
Xadrez was however staring attentively at the cake and the
problem. Suddenly he cried "Calm down my friend! Nothing
is lost. The pieces now make an X, the first letter of my
surname, and it's still mate in two!" |
|
